Reading Hard Books

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

~ Carl R. Rogers

I have lists of books I want to read, like most of us do. Recommended by friends, suggested by social media, from alluring lists like The 10 Best (fill in the blank), and 1,000 Books to Read Before You Die. I’ve made new year’s resolutions that involve books, like reading a target number or promising myself I’ll read what’s on my bookshelves before I look elsewhere. I remember when I finished college being grateful that I could finally choose my own reading, instead of fulfilling some professor’s requirement!

I have never quite gotten over “the should” of what I choose to read, maybe due to having been a teacher and knowing that some books really are good for you, like vegetables. Anyway, I just finished a book I’d purchased that was a “should”. It had been in my library for awhile. It was a difficult read, not because of the writing, but because of the content.

I read The Autobiography of Malcolm X.
I read it because what I knew about Malcolm X were one line descriptors from someone else’s opinion. I read it because I was ignorant about who he really was. I read it because I’m trying to develop an understanding of our American history and how we got to where we are now.

It was hard to read what he felt about white people and disconcerting to feel the rage between the lines. But it was also compelling to know how Malcolm X was constantly learning and practicing self-reflection, then putting those two things together and adapting his convictions. His convictions had an educated path and it was good for me to travel that path in my head.

I didn’t agree with everything I read. But that was not the point. The point was to consider a perspective that I hadn’t bothered to think about before. The point was to listen to understand, and sit with the hard parts. The point was to take myself out of my comfort zone, so I don’t forget what reading to learn is.

Here’s to hard books! (I’ll read something lighter next and give this one some time to soak in…)

J